Article

aliases: - "Boundaries" title: Boundaries description: Explores the importance of boundaries in relationships, with practical advice for negotiation, consent, and emotional safety

Boundaries

Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our wellbeing, autonomy, and emotional safety in relationships. They are essential for consent, respect, and healthy connection—especially in intimate, sexual, or polyamorous contexts. Boundaries are not about controlling others, but about clarifying what you need and how you will respond to protect yourself.

Types of Boundaries

Physical: Personal space, touch, and sexual activity
Emotional: Sharing feelings, vulnerability, and emotional labour
Mental: Thoughts, opinions, and beliefs
Time: Availability, alone time, and priorities

Boundaries can be unilateral (set by one person) or collaborative (negotiated together). They are dynamic and may change as relationships evolve.

Boundaries, Jealousy, and Polyamory

Clear boundaries help manage jealousy and foster compersion in polyamorous relationships. Negotiating boundaries openly can prevent misunderstandings and build trust.

Writing Tips

Use examples of boundary-setting conversations to illustrate clear, respectful negotiation.
Show boundaries as dynamic and responsive to changing needs or comfort levels.
Address the consequences of boundary violations, such as discomfort, emotional distress, or loss of trust.
Model boundary-setting as a positive, empowering act—not rejection.

Example

Example "He asked tentatively, 'Would you be okay with some light stimulation here?' She nodded, 'Yes, but please don’t pinch—they’re very sensitive for me right now.'" Why it works: Models clear negotiation of physical boundaries during intimate moments.

Common Pitfalls

Treating boundaries as rigid or punitive.
Ignoring the need for ongoing negotiation and flexibility.
Misunderstanding boundary-setting as rejection.